carlospalmer:

instead of calling someone a “grammar nazi”, why not try:

  • word nerd
  • syntax whiplash
  • fuckin geek
  • speech preacher
  • punctuate infatuate-er
  • ~Lord English~
  • grAMMAR SLAMMER

(via oi-dancing-boy)

tabloid-lover:

jamietheundeadamerican:

iwillmindfuckyou:

kneel-on-nails:

forever-kitten:

Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face

YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES

damn selfish babies taking up all the space

NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
SUSHI
EGGS
NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING. 
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE. 
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
/RANT OVER

Greatest rant ever.

tabloid-lover:

jamietheundeadamerican:

iwillmindfuckyou:

kneel-on-nails:

forever-kitten:

Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face

YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES

damn selfish babies taking up all the space

NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?

FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.

  • SUSHI
  • EGGS
  • NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
  • ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
  • VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.

SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.

NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.

SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING. 

SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)

DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE. 

YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.

/RANT OVER

Greatest rant ever.

(via unofficialdragon)

Omg yes please these are fab

1. Did you wake up cranky?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

5. Can you commit to one person?

6. How do you look right now?

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

8. How often do you listen to music?

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

16. Are you going out of town soon?

17. When was the last time you cried?

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

23. Are you nice to everyone?

24. What are you sitting on right now?

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

30. Does anyone hate you?

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

33. Are you a jealous person?

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

35. Did you have a dream last night?

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

44. What’s the best part about school?

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

48. Were you single over the last summer?

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

i never do these things but i want to see if i get any so lets do the thing

artistofblue:

kittenfeathers:

walrusmstr:

kittenfeathers:

Last night I got up at 3 am to feed my cat. So I picked him up, noticed he was purring loudly, and thought in all seriousness:

"Very cat. Much purrs."

…then realized I may or may not spend too much time on this fucking website. 

As your husband I feel I should inform you that you said that out loud.

OH MY GOD THAT’S EVEN WORSE

WAIT THERE ARW MARRIED COUPLES ON THIS WEBSITE!?

(via unofficialdragon)